Wasn't trying to scare anyone really.
Just one of those moods.
Or maybe I am like this everyday.
So since it's a daily phenomenon,
I should be alright I guess.

It's amazing how I have so much to write when I'm unhappy.
Words just flow smoothly when depression sinks in.
Which reminds me,
Of my Edgar Allan Poe book,
That I've never managed to finish.
Time to dig it out again.

Have you ever thought about your own funeral?
I used to fantasize about how it would be like for mine.
Actually I still do.
Just imagine,
It's probably the last party ever thrown in your name,
You might as well have a part to play in its planning.
Too bad that you don't get to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
(Or maybe you do?)
Used to hate funerals when I was a kid.
Those chinese style wakes always scared me to bits.
Mine must never be like that.

I want to lie in my white coffin with velvet lining,
Dressed in a white tuxedo with a white tophat and cane.
Sounds stupid right?
Especially so,
When I said I want to get married in a white tux too.

Ever thought about what the people who knew you will do?
Will they cry?
Will they be happily gambling?
Will they celebrate?
Will they ever attend your funeral?

I've never wanted to jam up my blog with those quiz results,
But this seems rather appropriate.


Your Soul Is Black.


What Color Is Your Soul?
brought to you by Quizilla

In school now.
In the library to be precise.
Amazing how I managed to drag myself to school.
Dreary dreary day.

Physics tutorial just ended a while ago.
Made me feel even worse.
As usual,
I did not have the slighest clue what was going on.
No matter how I tried looking through the notes,
And desperately trying to understand them,
They still seem like greek to me.

I started Last Days so that I can keep,
This depressed state of me,
A separate entity,
From the image I've to upkeep everyday.

Somehow it's getting difficult separating the two.
For every single minute now,
I am stuck in the state of depression.
Help.
Because I'm drowning.

I stuck the chin guard back to the helmet with superglue.
For now,
It appears to be fine.
I know it is nothing but a temporary solution.
The bond looks weak.
Other parts on the helmet seem to be on the verge,
Of falling off too.
I'm wearing my Air Jordans today.
With every step,
I can see the sole getting closer to breaking off.

The color scheme of this blog,
Seems a little too cheery for my mood.
But I guess it's alright.
Everything else is dark around me anyway.

Depression
A psychiatric disorder characterized by:
An inability to concentrate,
Insomnia,
Loss of appetite,
Anhedonia,
Feelings of extreme sadness,
Guilt,
Helplessness and hopelessness,
And thoughts of death.

Hey,
It's been awhile.
Although I've always been hoping,
That I'll never have to write here again;
I know deep inside that I will always return.

I like Last Days.
It's like having a lil chat with myself.
With each passing day,
It's getting more apparent that I'm doomed.
Doomed to have depression as a life-long partner.

It struck me hard today.
Or rather,
It had been slowly creeping up on me undetected.
The blow was hard,
But not fatal.
Or else I wouldn't have the chance to blog.

Call me childish,
Call me stupid.
Call me anything you want to.
But don't compare me with others.
I know,
My life ain't hard enough for me to even complain,
Let alone think about giving it up.
But it's just me.
It's so tiring facing things that cause me so much grief.
I worry too much.
And all this incessant worrying is driving me nuts.
Need a place to go to where I'll never have to worry.
Bring me there please.
Maybe it's time to hunt for happiness.
Happiness that this life can never offer.

Tell me honestly,
When am I ever truly happy?
There's this feeling of dread,
That I wake up to every morning.
I've been able to suppress my unhappiness this year.
Or rather,
I thought that I've left the serious bout of depression,
That nearly robbed me of my life behind.

Stupid trivial matters can trigger things off like that.
Fine.
So my bike is having problems.
So my shoes are all dying mysteriously.
I can deal with it, right?
Hell.
I don't know whatever made me take the physics module,
Because it's definitely not working out.
Not at all.
My Arai helmet was bought barely a year ago for $500.
Hardly a small sum to me.
Today the chin guard came off.
I wanted to yell.
Shout and let it out.
But all I could muster was a silent scream.
And I'm the only one who can hear it.
I am seriously driving myself crazy.

I really don't know how much longer I can hold on.
Or if I really want to hold on.
I'm counting down.
Counting down to Sven's Last Days.